Hello everybody, I want to a start new feature on the site where I can transcribe 10 promos from a particular wrestlers i’ve enjoyed over the years. There’s no better way to start this new project than with my all-time favorite wrestler, CM Punk. I’m plucking out five promos from CM Punk’s run in the WWE that really resonated with me. Let me in the comment section below, what are your favorite CM Punk promos?? It’s Clobbering Time !!!
10.) CM Punk Post SummerSlam 2013 – Monday Night Raw – August 19, 2013
You know, I really don’t know what to say right now. There’s so much going on upstairs. But what I do know is that Paul Heyman was out here earlier and Paul Heyman had a lot of things to say that were personal to me, a lot of buttons he pushed. Sir, you paid your ticket, you wanna boo, that’s fine, but I dare you to step in between these ropes and you’ll never boo again because I will render you a toothless crying heap of a man. I am pissed off and I wanna fight, so if you have the balls I dare you, fatso, to step up and be a man, and fight CM Punk. Come on, son. Come on. I will render you to tears. Be a man or sit down and be a bitch and shut your mouth.
Paul Heyman says he can give me the WWE Title. That’s what I want. Paul Heyman says he can give me the WWE WrestleMania Main Event. That’s what I want and i’m positive in my heart of hearts, Paul Heyman what he really wants, what he needs is an apology. Paul, if an apology is what you want, if an apology gets me all those things, then come out here and face to face, you may just get what you want. Paul, this is all I know. The doctor says i’m not fit to compete right now, yet here I am in my gear and I taped up because this is all I know. This is all I have. And I lost a fight last night, and i’ve got my ass kicked before, and here I am still standing.
And the truth is Paul, I am sorry. I’m sorry I took my eyes off of Brock Lesnar for a split second last night just to enact my revenge on you. And I’m sorry that that revenge wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I didn’t take your arm off and take it home with me. I’m sorry that I didn’t break your face. And i’m sorry that the next time I do get my hands on you, I’m gonna choke you out, and then i’m gonna wake you up and i’m gonna spit in your face, and i’m gonna take your arm home with me. And i’m sorry that you think a beating is gonna stop me. I am relentless and I will not stop. And I don’t care who you put in front of me or what you try to do, i’m gonna get my hands on you and i’m gonna get my revenge. And I say we do it right now in Anaheim. Come on. Come on. Have the guts that this fat guy over here doesn’t have. Step into the ring with CM Punk, fight me like a man.
9.) CM Punk’s Final Message To Randy Orton – Monday Night Raw – March 28, 2011
I’m gonna miss this. See, I have my severe doubts that when I descend upon Atlanta at WrestleMania that the fans in Atlanta are gonna warmly receive me like my people here in Chicago. And you are all my people. Just like the members of The New Nexus were my people and I watched Randall Keith Orton take them out one by one. Well, here’s the one big glaring difference between Randall and myself. He lives in a fantasy world and I fancy myself a realist. Because the truth boiled down to its essence is this, whether you’re a member of The New Nexus or you just happen to live in the town that I was born and raised in, I really don’t care what happens to you.
You got punted in the head, it’s not my problem. My problem is Randall Keith Orton. If I want somebody to go fetch me a coffee or if I want somebody to watch my back, all I have to do is snap my fingers and I can get any number mindless little sheep to do whatever I want. So now for weeks, this monuments psychological advantage that The Viper has built up turns out to be nothing more than a false sense of security. Last week, Randall slipped up. He told the world, oh, he told the WWE Universe that he likes to travel around in his big fancy superstar bus. You know what? Let’s just take you back to last week. Let’s take you to that glorious parking lot. I wanna share with you once again this beautiful hallmark moment.
I know Randall Keith Orton cares about his wife and I take tremendous satisfaction in knowing that when she goes to sleep at night now, she closes her eyes and she finally sees him for what he truly is. She finally seems him on the cold concrete helpless with me standing over him. Randall never, ever should’ve punted me in the head two years ago. It cost me a championship and now I have cost Randall Keith Orton the respect of his family. And all this hatred, all this hatred that I have inside has just been keeping me warm. And Randy, his family will never look at him the same ever again and I am just getting started. I close this sick and twisted chapter at WrestleMania.
8.) Beginning Of The Straight Edge Prophecy – Friday Night SmackDown – August 7, 2009
I tried so very hard to empathize with all of your weaknesses. I am implored every single one of you to just say no. And all my empathy got was for you to love Jeff Hardy that much more than you already did, but this will not deter me. I will stay the course. I still believe in teaching you people the difference between right and wrong. Well, obviously, it’s gonna be challenging listening to you people and by the looks of some of you, it’s gonna be a big challenge. But just like any other challenge that’s come down the pipe in my lifetime, i’m gonna meet that challenge head on like a man just like I did last week. Let’s take a look. You see, now I know why you people love Jeff Hardy so much. It’s because you are all just like him. And in turn, Jeff Hardy is just like all of you.
The reality is, none of you have the strength to be straight edge. You gravitate towards Jeff because it’s the easy way out. It’s easier to be weak like Jeff because you sure can’t be strong like me. And you can boo all you want. I know why you boo. You know why you boo, it’s because I tell the truth. And the truth sometimes hurts, doesn’t it? For instance, what does it say on your prescription bottle of pills? Take one every four hours. Well, don’t tell me that you people don’t gobble four, six, eight a time like they were pez. That is drug abuse. I don’t do that. I also don’t smoke. And those who do are stupid. You got to be stupid to not listen to the surgeon general, especially when he prints the warning label on the package of smokes. You got to be a fool.
Now we can talk about those funny cigarettes. And you obviously know what i’m talking about because you cheer, and that’s utterly sad. That’s pathetic. I can’t even wrap my head around you people cheering because when you smoke those funny cigarettes, not only is it hazardous to your health, it’s also illegal. So those who have taken a puff, not only are you poisoning yourself, you’re also breaking the law. So the vast majority of everybody here in this arena is a criminal. I am not a criminal, I never have been, and I never will be. Now let’s talk about alcohol. I’ve saved the best poison for last, you see, because this is a gateway drug. Don’t tell me not a single one of you in here has ever said, “I’m gonna go out for one drink,” and one drink leads to two and two drinks lead to three, and then it’s a double of this and a shot of that.
And then your head winds up in the toilet night in and night out. Congratulations. That is alcoholism. And in my book if you even take one drink, you’re an alcoholic. So I understand why you people love Jeff Hardy so much. I understand why Jeff loves you. It’s because you’re all weak. Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not, you deserve better. This entire world deserves better. What you need is a leader. You need a strong leader who’s gonna stand up in the face of adversity and just say no. You need a strong leader that’s gonna carry the banner of the World Heavyweight Championship with honor, with pride, respect, dignity, integrity, and class. What you people need is a straight edge World Heavyweight Champion. You need CM Punk.
7.) The Chicago Way – Monday Night Raw – September 23, 2013
You know, you guys, you completely ruined a perfectly good bad mood, you know that? I haven’t smiled in a week and a day. I haven’t smiled in eight days, but I come out here and I can’t help myself. And I tried, and somebody i’m pointing at knows how hard i’ve tried. I tried to get the cup here tonight, but it’s in Montreal being engraved because we are after all, champions of the world. But I feel because I didn’t produce the cup that I let everybody down. That’s why I haven’t smiled, I feel like i’ve really been letting everybody down. I know when I let myself down, to me, it’s no big deal, I can pick myself back up and go to the next town. But in Detroit, last Sunday at Night Of Champions, I let all of you down. Maybe, maybe that’s a chant for some other time, right now, seriously, guys, I wanna apologize for letting everybody down. Paul Heyman pinned me in the middle of the ring. It’s gonna read in great sports almanac that CM Punk lost to Paul Heyman.
And i’ve lost plenty of matches and i’ve been beat up my entire life. I’m not smart enough to stay down a lot of the times, but this one really bummed me out. You know, i’m thinking maybe, I don’t know if I can do this anymore. You know, I’m thinking maybe I don’t deserve to wear this sweater. I don’t deserve to perform in front of the greatest wrestling crowd in the world. I’m thinking that i’ve let everybody down so bad that I don’t deserve to say that i’m from Chicago, Illinois. But then I come out here to one hell of an ovation. And I put this sweater on and I wear it with pride because I remember back in May being down three games to one against the very, very tough Detroit Red Wings Team. But we all know how that ended, you see, because the Blackhawks didn’t feel sorry for themselves. The Blackhawks didn’t feel like they let everybody down.
No, they shut their mouths, they kept their eyes forward, they put their heads down and they came back three games to one to tie it. And then not only did they tie it, they took it to a game seven. And they took it to a game seven overtime. And that is The Chicago Way. Yeah, maybe we lose. Yeah, maybe sometimes the other city gets the better of us. Sometimes we get beat up, but we picked ourselves up by our boot straps and we’re gonna work the next day. And I’m proud of this team, and i’m proud of this sweater, hell, i’m proud of you people. So if I have let you down, I apologize but do not give up. If I am down, three games to one, i’m gonna come back and i’m gonna ties this son of a bitch up and i’m gonna go in overtime and i’m gonna win. Because that is the Chicago way, we fight.
And I’m here live in a living color, Chicago, Illinois, I wanna fight and I don’t care if it’s Curtis Axel, I don’t care if it’s Ryback, I don’t care if it’s Paul Heyman. Wrong place, wrong time. Your name is Paul Heyman and you’re about to catch a bigger beating than you did at Night Of Champions because we’re not in Detroit, we’re in Chicago. And I have 18,000 people that are gonna bail my ass out of jail when I get my hands on you. You know, Paul, I’m not stupid. I know how this ends, but I think you need to ask yourself a question. Oh, i’m gonna go get him, that’s where i’m going. When I jump out of this ring and make a move to you, can your two goons get to me faster than I can get to you? That’s the question you have to ask yourself because if and when I get to you, even if it’s just two seconds before they do, two seconds is all I need. I’m no longer gonna break your face, I’m gonna rip your face off.
6.) Post Raw 1,000 – Monday Night Raw – July 23, 2012
WrestleMania moments are what most everybody in the locker room always talks about. Everybody wants their WrestleMania moment. Well, last week I had myself a Raw moment. It’s a Raw moment that was bigger than most people’s WrestleMania moments, but before I get in to why I did exactly what I did to The Rock, I wanna shed some light on something. I wanna bring to your attention the way Raw 1000 went off the air. I was uncomfortable with it. It left a bad taste in my mouth and the way the one thousand episode of Raw went off the air was with Jerry Lawler saying and I quote, “CM Punk has turned his back on the WWE Universe.” I don’t get it Jerry, I mean, i’m used to really bad overly dramatic hyperbole on commentary, but it was horrible even for you.
How do you jump to such a conclusion? If anything, it was you who turned your back on me because the last time I check The Rock is not the WWE Universe. The Rock is one single solitary man. He is a larger than life extremely charismatic delusional movie star who came in and showed me the WWE Champion an incredible lack of respect. First off, he interrupted me, which is something nobody should ever do. He interrupted me and when he went into his little tired schtick with Daniel Bryan, he acted as if I wasn’t even in the ring. I was almost invisible to him. And then when he does what I can only imagine in his brain is lowering himself to talk to me, he tells me that he’s been gifted with a WWE Championship Match at the Royal Rumble and he acts as if he’s just going to take my championship from me?
The respect he didn’t show me, I showed him right then and there, because he’s lucky I didn’t drop him on the spot. He’s fortunate that I didn’t hurt him right then and there. And then at the end of the night, Dwayne does what Dwayne does best and he tries to make the show all about him. He tries to make Raw’s 1000th Episode all about him. And that’s exactly when I showed him the kind of man he’s dealing with come Royal Rumble. Because this is not a popularity contest, this is not ballet, this is the WWE and I am its champion. Do you understand me, Jerry? And what’s The Rock’s response then? I mean, we haven’t heard from him in a week. Which is funny to a guy like me, because when he was battling with John Cena, you couldn’t shut him up. Now that The Rock has found his silence and I know what that means. So when it comes to you and your little agenda, and however you want to spin it, you can say what I did or didn’t do to John Cena, the 1000th Episode of Monday Night Raw ended the exact way every single episode of Monday Night Raw should end, with the focus and the attention and the spotlight on the WWE Champion, the best wrestler in the world.
5.) CM Punk Addresses The PipeBomb Fallout – Monday Night Raw – July 11, 2011
Do I have everybody’s attention now? I feel a little bit of recapping is in order. If you didn’t see the show last week, and I can’t blame you, I didn’t watch either because I wasn’t on. I was suspended by Vincent K McMahon. I was suspended because, the week prior to that, I got into a little bit of trouble because of some things that I said. I didn’t get in trouble because I announced that July 17th my contract with World Wrestling Entertainment ends. I didn’t just get in the trouble because I said, not only am I going to defeat John Cena this Sunday at The Money In The Bank PPV, but that I was going to leave with the oh-so precious WWE Title, rendering all future championships completely irrelevant. I didn’t just get in trouble because of this little nugget, I mention that when Vince McMahon finally dies, the company will fall into the hands of his idiotic daughter and his son in law, who I believe I referred to as a doofus.
I got in trouble, basically because I have the balls to say things that nobody else has the balls to say. Things like this company inside and outside the ring are filled with a parade of shameless ass kissers. But never fear tonight, not only am I reinstated, not only is my championship match with John Cena back on, I brought back up just in case they cut my microphone off, just in case. So a lot of you are probably wondering exactly, why i’m holding a live microphone right now, i’ll explain it to you. Vince McMahon desperately wants to sign me to a very long term, very lucrative contract with World Wrestling Entertainment. It’s funny to me that Vince is bending over backwards to give me everything i’ve ever wanted and the reason that’s funny is because all I really wanted was this little microphone. See, this, this is power. This voice, this is power. In anybody else’s hands, this is a microphone. In my hands, it’s a pipe bomb, as I showed two weeks ago.
So, Vince McMahon finally sees me for what I am and that this is the hottest property in this industry today. He finally sees that way because I did something that he and his endless empty suits could not do. I made WWE socially relevant and I’m not talking about you people because you really don’t count, i’m talking about the real world. See, in the real world, the WWE has always got a mention or two for two reasons. The first one, being that CM Punk is speaking his mind, the second one is because somebody died. It’s true. But now, the WWE, because of me, is all over YouTube. I am a YouTube Sensation. ESPN is falling over themselves to try to get me on their radio shows, to try to get me on their TV shows. Jimmy Kimmel’s people are ringing my phone off the hook. They want to know exactly what I have to say. They’re begging for my story. And I find it funny that I have one foot out the door and Vince McMahon finally wants to do give me everything that I want.
Well, if five years ago, Vince McMahon treated me this nice, I wouldn’t have five years of pent up ammunition to unload on him. I wouldn’t have so much to say. I know Vince McMahon and I know how he does business, and he’s gonna come here and he’s gonna expect me to sit down in his office and have a nice little man on man conversation about a contract. But I also know he likes to do things that have never been done before. So I say tonight, Vince McMahon, we have the first ever live contract negotiation in the ring. And who knows, maybe i’ll sign, maybe I won’t, maybe Vince McMahon will have to join something that I like to call, The CM Punk Kiss My Ass Club. I was talking. Sir? Sir, i’m afraid your music is just too loud.
Hey, everybody, it’s John Cena. Thank you for getting me reinstated to a job that I didn’t even really want in the first place. Thank you for giving me everything that i’ve ever wanted. See, not only at Money In The Bank am I gonna beat you for that title and, god, when I beat you for that title, i’m probably gonna change the way it looks because that thing has been far too ugly for far too long. You’ve made a couple of things completely real come the Sunday, July 17th. I am leaving, John. I will beat you for that title and I will leave. And now the thing of it is, you’re gonna get fired? Yeah, let’s go, Cena. Let’s go to Chicago so I can beat you for that title. But if Vince McMahon is really gonna fire you, I like to take you back a couple of months ago when you were fired and that lasted all of about seven days. It’s not gonna happen. So you don’t have that to worry about. Wait, I’ll stop you right there. I am the best wrestler in the world.
4.) Triple H/CM Punk Face Off – Monday Night Raw – September 12, 2011
Well, here we are, Hunter. The big final showdown between me and you and I don’t wanna speak for you, but I’m a fascinated at the fact that the entire world is watching, and they’re waiting and they’re wondering exactly what you and me are gonna say to each other. So if you don’t mind, i’ll go ahead, i’ll start. I respect you. I especially respect you for last week doing what needed to be done and you fired that charisma vacuum and ratings killer, Kevin Nash. But just because I respect you doesn’t mean I like you. And I know that doesn’t matter to you, because you don’t like me. I’ve known that since day one, and I know that because people like to talk. People tell me all the horrible little things you say behind my back.
I also know this because i’m a great judge of character, and I can tell, it’s all over your face. Every time me and you are in a room together, when we share a ring together, anytime we have to have a conversation, your skin just crawls. You don’t like me. I think when I first got here, you referred to me as a, pompous, undersized internet darling that couldn’t hang with the likes of the mighty Triple H. That’s the problem. The fact that your perception of me has only changed a little bit, that’s not good enough. Just like it’s not good enough that nothing around here has changed after you basically fired Vince McMahon and became the leader of the WWE. You’re just as bas Vince McMahon, with your little suit, and your pants that probably don’t have a back pocket for some weird reason. You’re just like him. Okay, you stand still and let all of this pass you by.
You both share the same opinions and philosophies that a guy who looks like me, doesn’t belong in a ring with somebody who looks like you. The big that infuriates me is that for years now, you’ve both have this weird bodybuilder fetish/fantasy about what a main event caliber superstar needs to look like. And based on that, guys who don’t fit your image, or importantly, guys that do fit your image are afforded 10 times the opportunities. Oh, so you’re gonna deny to me and all these people right now that this mindset doesn’t exist? No, I’m not using it as an excuse. But this was always the land of the giants, right? This is the law of the jungle, and the strong survive, right? Tell me, you’re not that naive, you don’t actually believe that, right? My failures. So, we’re listening to the audience today. Just today, is that right?
We’re listening to what they want. Then where, oh where, are my WWE Ice Cream Bars? And spare me the imaginary brass ring speech because i’ve heard dozens and dozens of them over the years. I remember fondly my first brass ring speech. Let me take you back, if I could be afforded to tell you a little bit of a story. It was 2006, Philadelphia, the night before my first WWE PPV, Survivor Series. I was on a tag team captained by D-Generation X. And the funny thing about that night is 18,000 people in Philadelphia weren’t chanting DX, they weren’t chanting HBK, and they certainly weren’t chanting Tripe H, they were chanting … The story, unfortunately, doesn’t have a happy ending. See, that was the first time I grabbed that imaginary brass ring and went absolutely nowhere with it. See, Hunter, I don’t play games. What you see with me, is what you get. And I would much rather be hated for what I am, than loved for something I’m not.
Wait a second, are you listening to this audience that you supposedly listen to? Are you hearing this? Don’t tell me that I have to win them over. Everything I have in the last six years I have earned, I was handed nothing. I busted my ass and I sacrificed for this business. Well, la dee da, we can just add that little chestnut on top of all the other things you’re dead wrong about. This isn’t about John Cena. I am the best in the world. And yeah, you know what? You’re gonna kick my ass, fantastic. Guess what else? I’m gonna kick your ass and the end of the night, i’m going to pin you, 1, 2,3, in the center of the ring. I’m gonna make you go to sleep, because my quest for change in the WWE, it doesn’t stop until you’re no longer COO. And Sunday night at Night Of Champions, No Disqualifications, I wanna tell you a little secret. Why it’s gonna be so satisfying to me to kick your ass? And right now, this isn’t CM Punk talking to Triple H, this is Phil Brooks talking to Paul Levesque. The reason why it’s gonna be so satisfying to kick your ass. Punk’s microphone gets cut off multiple times. Triple H tells Punk to deliver the pipe bomb. Punk clocks Triple H with the microphone. Punk delivers the DX Crotch Chop to close the segment.
3.) The Pipe Bomb – Monday Night Raw – June 27, 2011
John Cena, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me.I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks with your WWE Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest. I don’t hate you, John. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back. I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world.There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Vince McMahon’s ass.You’re as good as kissing Vince’s ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Dwayne though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is. Whoops! I’m breaking the fourth wall. I am the best wrestler in the world. I’ve been the best ever since day one when I walked into this company. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day, because Paul Heyman saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit.
That’s right, I’m a Paul Heyman guy. You know who else was a Paul Heyman guy? Brock Lesnar.And he split just like I’m splitting.But the biggest difference between me and Brock is I’m going to leave with the WWE Championship. I’ve grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon’s brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that they’re just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this microphone, in that ring, even in commentary! Nobody can touch me! And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not on your lovely little collector cups.I’m not on the cover of the program. I’m barely promoted.I don’t get to be in movies.I’m certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network.I’m not on the poster of WrestleMania.I’m not on the signature that’s produced at the start of the show.I’m not on Conan O’Brian. I’m not on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.
And trust me, this isn’t sour grapes. But the fact that Dwayne is in the main event at WrestleMania next year and I’m not makes me sick! Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are sipping on those collector cups right now. You’re the ones that buy those programs that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face so you can get an autograph and try to sell it on eBay because you’re too lazy to go get a real job. I’m leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17th. And hell, who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling.Maybe I’ll go back to Ring of Honor.
Hey, Colt Cabana, how you doing? The reason I’m leaving is you people. Because after I’m gone, you’re still going to pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that.Vince McMahon is going to make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, nonsensical, douchebag (censored) yes men, like John Laurinaitis, who’s going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this company will be better after Vince McMahon is dead. But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family. Let me tell you a personal story about Vince McMahon, alright? We do this whole [anti] bully campaign.
2.) CM Punk’s Raven Promo !!!
ENJOY!
1.) Boxing With God – Monday Night Raw – January 7, 2013
The time has come to tell you all something very personal. As I keep my ear to the ground and I hear everything everybody says and for the past year and a half the word pipe bomb have been completely misunderstood and misused. It doesn’t seem anybody in the universe understands what it means. Anybody in this company doesn’t understand what a pipe bomb is. Basically, what a pipe bomb is in its truest form is the truth. It’s honesty. You boil it down and the essence of a pipe bomb is exactly what all of you lack, honesty. Seems the perception of me is somebody who’s a little disgruntled, sat down on a stage in Las Vegas, and aired his grievances and said pipe bomb. I became The Voice Of The Voiceless. Then maybe my ego was like a runaway train and I suddenly bitched, moaned and complained about respect and how I didn’t get enough of it and then I turned my back on the people. Well that’s a lie. Don’t be mistaken.
I meant everything I said when I said it, except the part about ice cream because as I look out here, the last thing any you people need is more bars of ice cream. But I was shortchanged and I was disrespected and sure I could’ve just swallowed that bitter pill and accepted my position in the company like everybody else the back or could’ve left. Instead, I made a conscious decision and I sold out to you, to you I sold out, to me I cashed in. See, I created this persona, this rebel, this anti-hero that you all loved to cheer for because I knew that you all love to cheer for your superheroes because here’s the truth about Las Vegas. Here’s the truth about the WWE is that it doesn’t matter if you’re the best wrestler, it doesn’t matter if you’re the best talker, it doesn’t matter if you’re the best overall performer, it doesn’t matter if you make the two clowns sitting to my left on commentary look like amateur hour. There is a glass ceiling and nobody is allowed to break it. That’s the simple story of this place. The more popular you are, the more money you make. The more you people cheer for any given superstar, the more opportunities you are afforded.
Why do you think a guy like John Cena, who is admittedly had the worst year of his career gets title shot after title shot after title shot after title shot? Or why a lethal grappler, why is a submission specialist like Daniel Bryan puts a smile on his face and settles himself, belittles himself with catchphrases? Or why a 400 pound monster Brodus Clay, soils his hands by touching your filthy ugly little children to get in the ring so he can shuck and jive for you? Or why an invisible child, Little Jimmy is better positioned on the flagship show, Monday Night Raw than a workhorse like Tyson Kidd? Look, they’re doing it now. You’re doing it now. You’re falling for everything I say. You’re playing into my hands, but this is why it is and this is the way you want because this is the way you handle it. It’s easy. It’s saccharine. It’s simple to digest because you people can’t handle anything complicated. You people can’t stomach anything interesting. This is the way it has been since the beginning of time. We’re all here in the circus to entertain you and nobody has ever been able to attain a modicum of success without you, except for now until I showed up.
I have the become the most successful WWE Champion of all-time, not of the modern era; now that’s another little buzzword that somebody backstage wants you to say. They probably want to put in on a t-shirt, but that’s the way you get noticed. You don’t get noticed until you start to move a couple of t-shirts around here. If I competed in Bruno Sammartino’s era, I’d be champion for 20 years too. No, I’d even champion for 30 years because wrestling one night a month at Madison Square Garden is easy. You never seen Hulk Hogan wrestle TLC Matches against a superstar like Ryback because he had it easy. I wrestle physically demanding matches on free television, weekend and week out, so much that my 1 year equals 30 of theirs and I have attained this success not because of you. I am successful not because of you. I am successful in spite of you. Now, I’m the most honest man in this building. I’m the most honest man in this company because everybody else’s got the same old tired cry baby story. They’ll come out here and they’ll say, “I do it for the people. I do it for all of you. Let’s hear it for Tampa, Florida.” Here’s some honesty, I watched Roddy Piper smash a coconut over Jimmy Snuka’s head and i’m sure as hell didn’t say, golly gee, I can’t wait to go electrify the people of Tampa Bay, Florida. No, because I don’t care about the people in Tampa Bay, Florida.
There are good guys and there are bad guys in this world and make no mistake about it ladies and gentlemen, I am a bad, bad man. And I can freely admit it. But Ric Flair will come out here and he’ll cry his 182 eyes out and say, oh I did it for all of you. Now, they’re wooing. Shawn Michaels can come out here, lose his smile and find his smile, but in a tearful hall of fame speech, he’ll say that his entire career was just to gain your acceptance. And then a man like Edge, who was forced to retire and he’ll say that he misses competing for people like you. Now these people, these men are either weak or they’re dishonest and their liars. It’s either one or the other, but I’m neither weak nor dishonest. I’m the best in the world. Two types of people on earth: those born to be in the spotlight and those born to pay to see the people in the spotlight. Ladies and gentlemen, there are winners and losers, guess which one you are. You’re born to pay to see champions like me. It’s not the other way around and i’ll be the first guy to come out here and admit it. I’m honest. I have never ever done this for any of you.
There are superstars and there are nobodies. I am a superstar. You are all nobodies and i’m a real superstar. Those real superstars, hell, if they’re your friends, why don’t they come out here and give you the millions and millions of dollars they earn? Why don’t they lie in your pockets because that’s not your position on earth. I don’t believe this. I’m being told that we have to take a commercial break. I’m not done. Let me explain something to everybody in the truck, we don’t go to break when you want to go to break, we go to break when the champ wants to go to break. Listen up and understand something because The Rock’s going to come out here and he’s going to talk a whole, but I will now tell you the most important thing you’re going to hear tonight. You do not matter. None of you matter. What you want doesn’t matter. As I stand here on the 1st Raw of 2013, your WWE Champion and I promise you in one year’s time I will stand in this ring on the 1st Raw of 2014, still your WWE Champion.
What fuels me is your constant disappointment and your self appointed superheroes to be able to drag this title away from me and now The Rock has come back, but it’s not going to change the fact that I’m the WWE Champion and i’m not going to let The Rock tear down everything that I fought so hard to attain. No, not at all. You know in 2011 when I defeated Alberto Del Rio for this title at Madison Square Garden, I didn’t just beat Alberto Del Rio, I beat the system. And even after that, when I beat one of your superheroes and I don’t care if it was John Cena, Ryback, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler or any of the ligneous of superstars that I have defeated. I wasn’t just beating them, I was beating all of you and for 414 days, that’s exactly what i’ve done. In your face jerks, I have beaten you. I have stomped you out under my oppressive boot and i’m going to do the same thing to The Rock, because I don’t care if he’s back. You all don’t get to win. You are losers. You do not get to win. Be the puppets that you are. He got you to chant about ice cream the same way I did a year and half ago. Congratulations. They still don’t get to win. You don’t get to win.
Unlike a lot of people, i’m glad your back. I don’t care what your schedule is. I don’t care if you work here 16 days a year, 365 days a year. You could be Santa Claus and have his schedule, you could work one day a year, I’ll still kick your ass. I don’t care how many movies you film every year. I know how hard that schedule probably is, but every time you come back, whenever you decide to grace us with your presence, i’m gonna kick your ass. Because this isn’t candy land, i’m like nobody you ever faced before. You can make fun of the color of my t-shirt, you can talk about pie and you could sing songs and you can rhyme, and you could do your tired lame ass schtick. I just want you to know, come Royal Rumble, and you have about three weeks to realize this, i’m gonna kick your ass cause i’m the best in the world. I’m the best going today, I’m the best you’ve ever step foot in a ring with, and you need to understand congratulations Rock you just graduated from the kiddy table, but you just bit off more than you can chew. You’re playing little league with your little insults, and your rhymes, and your millions and millions, and your finally’s, and i’m in the big leagues, and i’m swinging for the fence. You need to understand that your little jabs and your insults, it’s all kiddy games. You can’t leave a mark on the champ’s face. Come Royal Rumble, understand when you step in the ring, your arms are just too short to box with god.
Checkout Episode 201 Of The Hoots Podcast
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