NJPW G1 Climax 33: Night Two
July 16, 2023
Hokkaido Prefectural Sports Center
Hokkaido, Japan
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A BLOCK: (SANADA, Shota Umino, Hikuleo, Kaito Kiyomiya, Chase Owens, Ren Narita, Yota Tsuji, and Gabriel Kidd)
B BLOCK: (Kazuchika Okada, Will Ospreay, KENTA, Taichi, El Phantasmo, The Great O-Khan, Yoshi Hashi and Tanga Loa)
C BLOCK: (Tomohiro Ishii, Shingo Takagi, David Finlay, Eddie Kingston, EVIL, Tama Tonga, Aaron Henare and Mikey Nicholls)
D BLOCK: (Hiroshi Tanahashi, Tetsuya Naito, Zack Sabre Jr, Jeff Cobb, Hirooki Goto, Toru Yano, Shane Haste and Alex Coughlin)
Transcription by Josh Lopez
First Match: (0) Tomohiro Ishii vs. (0) David Finlay w/Gedo In A G1 CLIMAX 33 C BLOCK Tournament Match
Collar and Elbow Tie Up. Finlay backs Ishii against the ropes. Finlay slaps Ishii in the face. Forearm Exchange. Finlay runs into Ishii. Ishii drops Finlay with a shoulder tackle. Ishii repeatedly kicks Finlay in the face. Ishii with a palm strike. Second Forearm Exchange. Ishii is mauling Finlay in the corner. Finlay ducks a clothesline from Ishii. Finlay delivers a chop block. Finlay DDT’s the left knee of Ishii. Finlay drops his weight on the left leg of Ishii. Finlay slams the left leg of Ishii on the ring apron. Finlay repeatedly stomps on the left hamstring of Ishii. Finlay uppercuts Ishii. Finlay with two knee kicks. Finlay wraps the left leg of Ishii around the middle rope. Finlay talks smack to Ishii. Third Forearm Exchange. Finlay with a chop/forearm combination in the corner. Ishii reverses out of the irish whip from Finlay. Finlay kicks Ishii in the face. Ishii Powerslams Finlay. Ishii with a chop/forearm combination of his own. Ishii is raining down forearm shivers in the corner. Ishii argues with the referee. Ishii with a Vertical Suplex for a two count.
Finlay hammers down on the back of Ishii’s neck. Short-Arm Reversal by Ishii. Ishii drops Finlay with a Back Drop Driver. Finlay dumps Ishii throat first on the top strand. Finlay with a Spinning Belly to Back Suplex. Finlay with a Running Uppercut. Finlay with a corner clothesline. Finlay follows that with The Irish Curse BackBreaker for a two count. Finlay applies The Indian Death Lock. Finlay transitions into a ground and pound attack. Finlay goes for a GutWrench Suplex, but Ishii lands back on his feet. Finlay repeatedly kicks the left knee of Ishii. Ishii delivers The Pounce. Ishii puts Finlay on the top turnbuckle. Ishii with The Avalanche BrainBuster for a two count. Ishii goes for a PowerBomb, but Finlay blocks it. Ishii blocks a boot from Finlay. Ishii with a German Suplex. Finlay avoids The Sliding Lariat. Finlay with an uppercut forearm.
Finlay hammers down on the right shoulder of Ishii. Finlay with a German Suplex. Finlay hits The Dominator for a two count. Finlay goes for a Spear, but Ishii blocks it. Ishii goes for a PowerBomb, but Finlay lands back on his feet. Ishii rocks Finlay with two forearms. Finlay responds with a Rebound Spear for a two count. Finlay with clubbing blows to Ishii’s back. HeadButt Exchange. Ishii PowerBombs Finlay for a two count. Finlay swats away a lariat from Ishii. Finlay with The Blue Thunder Bomb for a two count. Finlay PowerBombs Ishii. Finlay pulls down his left knee pad. Ishii denies Into Oblivion. Ishii HeadButts Finlay. Ishii with The Sliding Lariat for a two count. Finlay avoids The Vertical Drop BrainBuster. Finlay ducks a clothesline from Ishii. Finlay with a forearm smash. Ishii answers with a Step Up Enzuigiri. Ishii with an Inside Out Lariat for a two count. Ishii goes for The Vertical Drop BrainBuster, but Finlay lands back on his feet. Finlay with a Lifting Reverse DDT. Finlay connects with Into Oblivion to pickup the victory.
Winner: David Finlay via Pinfall
Second Match: (0) Hirooki Goto vs. (0) Toru Yano In A G1 CLIMAX 33 D BLOCK Tournament Match
Yano ducks a clothesline from Goto. Yano with a backslide cover for a two count. Goto ducks a clothesline from Yano. Goto goes for The Goto-Nishniki, but Yano rolls him over for a two count. Yano sends Goto tumbling to the floor. Yano removes a turnbuckle pad. Goto whips Yano into the steel barricade. Reverse Hammer Throw Party. Goto kicks Yano in the gut. Yano tosses Goto around the ringside area. Yano tugs on Goto’s hair. Yano tosses Goto under the ring. Yano uses Tomukun as a shield. Everybody has disappeared. Goto gets back in the ring at the count of nineteen.
Yano side steps Goto into the exposed steel. Yano rolls Goto over for a two count. Goto drops Yano with a Misdirection Lariat. Goto with a Spinning Wheel Kick. Goto with a Running Bulldog for a two count. Yano hammers down on the back of Goto’s neck. Yano with an Inverted Atomic Drop. Yano whips Goto back first into the exposed steel. Yano goes for a PowerBomb, but Goto lands back on his feet. Goto kicks out of two amateur style rollups. Goto blocks the low blow. Goto with Three HeadButts. Goto connects with The GTR to pickup the victory.
Winner: Hirooki Goto via Pinfall
Third Match: (0) Aaron Henare vs. (0) Mikey Nicholls w/Kosei Fujita In A G1 CLIMAX 33 C BLOCK Tournament Match
Collar and Elbow Tie Up. Nicholls backs Henare into the ropes. The referee calls for a clean break. Strong lockup. Nicholls applies a side headlock. Henare whips Nicholls across the ring. Nicholls runs into Henare. Shoulder Block Exchange. Nicholls with a back elbow smash. Shoulder Tackle Exchange. Forearm Exchange. Rockers Punches. This brawl spills to the outside. Nicholls is raining down haymakers. Nicholls repeatedly slams Henare’s head on the ring apron. Henare with a reverse hammer throw over the steel barricade. Henare HeadButts Nicholls. Henare with clubbing mid-kicks. Nicholls answers with a forearm smash. Nicholls unloads two knife edge chops. Nicholls rolls Henare back into the ring. Nicholls avoids The SpringBoard Enzuigiri. Henare with a forearm smash. Henare whips Nicholls across the ring. Henare with The Samoan Drop.
Henare with a flurry of bodyshots. Following a snap mare takeover, Henare repeatedly kicks Nicholls in the back. Henare with a Mid-Kick. Henare with a Senton Splash. Henare grapevines the legs of Nicholls. Henare slaps Nicholls in the ribs. Henare with The Curb Stomp for a two count. Nicholls fires back with a chop/forearm combination. Henare drops Nicholls with a Spin Kick. Henare HeadButts Finlay. Henare is choking Finlay with his boot. Henare runs into a back elbow from Nicholls. Nicholls scores The DDT. Nicholls with two corner clotheslines. Nicholls with The Tornado DDT for a two count. Nicholls puts Henare on the top turnbuckle.
Henare with a gut punch. Henare HeadButts Nicholls. Nicholls with a nifty right hand. Nicholls with The SuperPlex. HeadButt Exchange. Second Forearm Exchange. Nicholls is busted open. Standing Switch Exchange. Henare drives Nicholls back first into the blue turnbuckle pad. Henare escapes The Sunset Flip. Nicholls hits The Mikey Bomb for a two count. Henare applies The Ultima. Nicholls grabs the top rope which forces the break. Nicholls denies The Streets Of Rage. Nicholls with The Death Valley Driver. Nicholls with a Falling Lariat for a two count. Nicholls goes for The MoonSault, but Henare ducks out of the way. Henare unloads a flurry of strikes. Henare with The Justice Knee. Nicholls denies The Streets Of Rage. Henare escapes The Mikey Bomb. Nicholls connects with Inside Out Driver to pickup the victory
Winner: Mikey Nicholls via Pinfall
Fourth Match: (0) Shane Haste vs. (0) Alex Coughlin In A G1 CLIMAX 33 D BLOCK Tournament Match
Coughlin attacks Haste before the bell rings. Coughlin with a Fallaway Slam. Forearm Exchange. Coughlin punches Haste in the back. Chop Exchange. Coughlin applies the greco roman throat hold. Coughlin with a blistering chop. Haste rakes the eyes of Coughlin. Coughlin kicks Haste in the gut. Coughlin uppercuts Haste. Coughlin with a knife edge chop. Haste reverses out of the irish whip from Coughlin. Haste dropkicks Coughlin to the floor. Haste goes for The Suicide Dive, but Coughlin counters with an Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex on the floor. Coughlin punches Haste in the back. Coughlin whips Haste into the steel barricade. Coughlin stands on the left hand of Haste. Coughlin with a back chop. Coughlin drives Haste ribs first into the barricade. Coughlin punches Haste in the back. Coughlin is destroying Haste on the outside. Coughlin resets the referee’s twenty count.
Haste with a Belly to Back Suplex on the ring apron. Coughlin responds with The Avalanche Deadlift GutWrench Suplex for a two count. Coughlin repeatedly kicks Haste in the back. Coughlin chops Haste in the corner. Coughlin starts choking Haste with his knee. Coughlin with a hammer throw into a turnbuckle pad. Coughlin uppercuts Haste. Coughlin with another hammer throw. Chop/Palm Strike Exchange. Short-Arm Reversal by Haste. Haste with a Back Drop Driver. Haste delivers his combination offense. Haste with a Reverse Powerslam. Haste drops Coughlin with The Elevated PK for a two count. Coughlin goes for a Vertical Suplex, but Haste lands back on his feet. Coughlin decks Haste with a back elbow smash. Haste with The Falcon Arrow for a two count. Haste with combo kicks. Haste follows that with two uppercuts. Coughlin applies a waist lock. Haste with three sharp elbow strikes.
Coughlin answers with a German Suplex. Coughlin with The Death Valley Driver. Coughlin transitions into a ground and pound attack. Coughlin applies a strangle hold. Haste kicks Coughlin in the face. Coughlin with an Inside Out Lariat for a two count. Coughlin goes for The Deadlift Vertical Suplex, but Haste counters with The Guillotine Choke. Coughlin PowerBombs Haste for a two count. Coughlin starts directing his anger towards the referee. Coughlin dumps Haste out of the ring. Coughlin sends Haste back first into a barricade. Coughlin flings multiple chairs into the ring. Coughlin slams Haste’s head on the timekeeper’s table. Coughlin rolls Haste back into the ring. Coughlin grabs his tag team title belt. The referee stops Coughlin in his tracks. Coughlin shoves the referee. Haste with a Back Drop Driver onto two chairs. Haste connects with Bomb Valley Death to pickup the victory.
Winner: Shane Haste via Pinfall
Fifth Match: (0) Shingo Takagi vs. (0) Eddie Kingston In A G1 CLIMAX 33 C BLOCK Tournament Match
Kingston shoves Takagi after the bell ring. Shoulder Block Exchange. Takagi blocks a boot from Kingston. Takagi with a corner clothesline. Chop Exchange. Takagi unloads a flurry of left jabs. Kingston reverses out of the irish whip from Takagi. Kingston with a knife edge chop. Takagi answers with a double handed chop. Takagi repeatedly kicks Kingston in the back. Palm Strike Exchange. Takagi scores a right jab. Kingston with a Back Fist that sends Takagi tumbling to the floor. Kingston is lighting up Takagi’s chest. Kingston drives his knee into the midsection of Takagi. Both guys trade visits to the steel barricade. Kingston drops Takagi with a running shoulder tackle. Kingston rolls Takagi back into the ring. Chop/Jab Exchange in the corner. Kingston with The Exploder Suplex for a two count. Takagi blocks The Half & Half Suplex. Takagi with a back elbow smash. Takagi scores another right jab. Takagi with The Ryukon Lariat. Takagi with a running knee lift. Takagi follows that with a running shoulder tackle.
Takagi with The Vertical Suplex. Takagi puts Kingston on the top turnbuckle. Takagi with The SuperPlex for a two count. Takagi plays to the crowd. Takagi toys around with Kingston. Back Fist Exchange. Takagi with a Back Drop Driver. Takagi kicks Kingston in the face. Kingston with a Step Up Enzuigiri. Kingston follows that with a Back Drop Driver of his own for a two count. Takagi blocks The Northern Lights Bomb. Lariat Exchange. Takagi with a back elbow smash. Takagi with a right jab. Kingston slaps Takagi in the face. Lariat Exchange. Kingston with The Half & Half Suplex. Takagi responds with a Falling Lariat. Takagi dodges The Spinning Back Fist. Takagi delivers his combination offense. Takagi with The Northern Lights Bomb for a one count. Takagi drops Kingston with The Pumping Bomber for a two count. Takagi goes for Last Of The Dragon, but Kingston lands back on his feet. Kingston clotheslines Takagi for a one count. Takagi peppers Kingston with forearm shivers. Kingston with Three Spinning Back Fists. Kingston connects with The Northern Lights Bomb to pickup the victory.
Winner: Eddie Kingston via Pinfall
Sixth Match: (0) Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. (0) Zack Sabre Jr. w/Kosei Fujita In A G1 CLIMAX 33 D BLOCK Tournament Match
Feeling out process after the bell rings. Collar and Elbow Tie Up. Tanahashi with a side headlock takeover. Sabre answers with a headscissors neck lock. Tanahashi grapevines the legs of Sabre. Strong lockup. Side Headlock Takeover/Headscissors Escape Exchange.Tanahashi flexes his muscles. Back to the collar and elbow tie up. Tanahashi backs Sabre into a turnbuckle pad. The referee calls for a clean break. Uppercut Exchange. Tanahashi with an arm-ringer. Sabre with a Dragon Screw Leg Whip in the ropes. Sabre applies a leg lock. Tanahashi grabs the bottom rope which forces the break.
Sabre with clubbing mid-kicks. Tanahashi with forearm shivers. Tanahashi uppercuts Sabre. Sabre hyperextends the left shoulder of Tanahashi over the top rope. Sabre pump kicks the left knee of Tanahashi. Tanahashi drops Sabre with a Flying Forearm. Tanahashi delivers his combination offense. Tanahashi bodyslams Sabre. Tanahashi kicks Sabre in the chest. Tanahashi applies a double wrist lock. Tanahashi with another Bodyslam. Tanahashi with The SomerSault Senton for a two count. Sabre applies The Cobra Twist. Tanahashi with a Hip Toss. Sabre dropkicks the left knee of Tanahashi. Sabre blocks a boot from Tanahashi. Sabre with another Dragon Screw Leg Whip out of the corner.
Sabre applies a standing leg lock. Sabre transitions into The Cloverleaf. Tanahashi responds with The Triangle Choke. Sabre clips the left knee of Tanahashi. Sabre with repeated chest kicks. Sabre applies The Heel Hook. Sabre claps his hands behind his back for added torque. Tanahashi reaches the bottom rope which forces the break. Tanahashi blocks The PK. Sabre goes for a Knee Breaker, but Tanahashi counters with Twist and Shout. Tanahashi with Three Dragon Screw Arm Whips. Tanahashi avoids the low dropkick. Tanahashi dropkicks Sabre. Tanahashi hits The SlingBlade for a two count. Tanahashi goes for The Ace’s High, but Sabre counters with The PK for a two count. Cross-Arm-Breaker Exchange. Sabre rolls Tanahashi over to pickup the victory.
Winner: Zack Sabre Jr via Pinfall
Seventh Match: (0) EVIL w/Dick Togo vs. (0) Tama Tonga w/Jado In A G1 CLIMAX 33 C BLOCK Tournament Match
EVIL attacks Tonga before the bell rings. EVIL wraps his t-shirt around Tonga’s neck. EVIL goes for Darkness Falls, but Tonga lands back on his feet. Tonga with The Exploder Suplex. Tonga punches EVIL. Tonga repeatedly slams EVIL’s head on the ring apron. Tonga HeadButts EVIL. Tonga rolls EVIL back into the ring. Tonga unloads a flurry of strikes in the corner. Tonga transitions into a corner mount. Togo removes the blue turnbuckle pad. EVIL side steps Tonga into the exposed steel. EVIL dumps Tonga out of the ring. EVIL punches Tonga in the back. EVIL brings Tonga up the ramp. EVIL with a Vertical Suplex on the ramp. All hell is breaking loose in Hokkaido. EVIL flings Tonga into a row of chairs. Tonga with a flying forearm smash. EVIL rakes the eyes of Tonga. EVIL stomps on Tonga’s chest. Red Shoes is losing control of this match. EVIL tries to declares himself the winner by playing around with the ring bell.
Tonga gets back into the ring at the count of nineteen. Red Shoes ignores EVIL’s pin cover. EVIL with a Pendulum BackBreaker for a two count. EVIL stands on Tonga’s face. Tonga with heavy bodyshots. EVIL answers with another eye rake. EVIL thrust kicks the midsection of Tonga. Tonga dropkicks EVIL. Tonga clotheslines EVIL. Tonga scores the elbow knockdown. Tonga bodyslams EVIL. Tonga with The Stinger Splash for a two count. Tonga punches EVIL in the chest. Tonga with a hammer elbow. Tonga clotheslines EVIL for a two count. EVIL blocks The Tongan Twist. Misfired Thrust Kicks. EVIL reverses out of the irish whip from Tonga. EVIL with The Fisherman’s Suplex for a two count. Tonga inadvertently throws EVIL into Red Shoes. EVIL with another Fisherman’s Suplex. Togo punches Jado off the ring apron. House Of Torture gangs up on Tonga. EVIL hits The Magic Killer for a one count. EVIL applies The Darkness Scorpion. Tonga grabs the bottom rope which forces the break.
Tonga drops EVIL with The Tongan Twist. Tonga kicks EVIL in the face. Tonga with The Superman Punch. EVIL avoids The SRC. Tonga with a Step Up Enzuigiri. Tonga with The SpineBuster. Tonga follows that with The Supreme Flow for a two count. Togo pulls EVIL out of the ring. Togo slams Tonga’s head on the top rope. EVIL goes for Everything Is EVIL, but Tonga rolls him over for a two count. Tonga runs around EVIL. EVIL denies The GunStun. EVIL with a Running Lariat. EVIL with Darkness Falls for a two count. EVIL follows with a flurry of short-arm lariats. EVIL whips Tonga into the exposed steel. Tonga with a Running Lariat. Tonga nails Togo with The GunStun. Tonga connects with The Bloody Sunday for a two count. EVIL tugs on Tonga’s hair. EVIL shoves Red Shoes towards Tonga. EVIL negates The GunStun. EVIL delivers a low blow. EVIL plants Tonga with Everything Is EVIL to pickup the victory.
Winner: EVIL via Pinfall
Eight Match: (0) Tetsuya Naito vs. (0) Jeff Cobb In A G1 CLIMAX 33 D BLOCK Tournament Match
Cobb refuses to do the fist bump with Naito. Naito kicks Cobb in the gut. Naito punches Cobb in the back. Cobb pulls Naito out of the ring. Naito tosses Cobb around the ringside area. Naito rolls Cobb back into the ring. Naito applies the cravate. Naito backs Cobb into a turnbuckle pad. Red Shoes calls for a clean break. Naito with a toe kick. Naito sends Cobb to the corner. Naito with a Corner Dropkick. Naito sweeps out the legs of Cobb. Naito escapes The PowerBomb. Cobb dropkicks Naito. Cobb kicks Naito out of the ring. Cobb mocks Naito. Cobb walks over the midsection of Naito. Cobb slams Naito’s head on the ring apron. Cobb with clubbing blows to Naito’s chest. Cobb continues to taunt Naito. Naito gets back in the ring at the count of sixteen. Cobb is putting the boots to Naito. Cobb with a double throat thrust. Cobb with The Delayed Bodyslam for a two count.
Naito fires back with two toe kicks. Cobb drives Naito back first into the blue turnbuckle pad. Cobb with a Corner Dropkick. Cobb sweeps out the legs of Naito. Cobb delivers The Combination Cabron for a two count. Naito with forearm shivers. Cobb blocks The Satellite DDT. Naito tugs on Cobb’s hair. Naito with a NeckBreaker. Naito with a forearm smash. Naito kicks Cobb in the gut. Naito punches Cobb in the back. Cobb blocks The Hip Toss. Naito unloads a flurry of strikes. Naito dropkicks the back of Cobb’s head. Naito with a Corner Dropkick. Naito sweeps out the legs of Cobb. Combination Cabron. Following a snap mare takeover, Naito applies a grounding full nelson lock. Naito with clubbing back elbow smashes. Naito puts Cobb on the top turnbuckle. Naito with forearm shivers. Naito goes for The Top Rope FrankenSteiner, but Cobb counters with a PowerBomb for a two count. Cobb with The Standing MoonSault for a two count.
Naito blocks The Deadlift SuperPlex. Naito with forearm shivers. Naito with a Flying Hurricanrana. Short-Arm Reversal by Naito. Naito drops Cobb with The Satellite DDT. Cobb blocks Gloria. Cobb with The Spin Cycle. Naito with repeated back elbow smashes. Naito kicks Cobb in the face. Cobb blocks The Destino. Naito with a Step Up Enzuigiri. Naito connects with The Destino. Naito goes for another Destino, but Cobb counters with Tour Of The Islands. Both guys avoids Red Shoes’ ten count. Naito with a back elbow smash. Naito with a Rolling Capo Kick. Naito follows that with The SpineBuster. Naito with a jackknife hold for a two count. Naito goes for Tour Of The Islands, but Naito rolls him over for a two count. Cobb with a German Suplex. Cobb headbutts the midsection of Naito. Cobb plants Naito with Tour Of The Islands to pickup the victory.
Winner: Jeff Cobb via Pinfall
THE UPDATED C AND D BLOCK STANDINGS
THE C BLOCK
1.) David Finlay (1-0) – 2 Points
2.) Mikey Nicholls (1-0) – 2 Points
3.) Eddie Kingston (1-0) – 2 Points
4.) EVIL (1-0) – 2 Points
5.) Tama Tonga (0-1) – 0 Points
6.) Aaron Henare (0-1) – 0 Points
7.) Shingo Takagi (0-1) – 0 Points
8.) Tomohiro Ishii (0-1) – 0 Points
THE D BLOCK
1.) Jeff Cobb (1-0) – 2 Points
2.) Zack Sabre Jr (1-0) – 2 Points
3.) Shane Haste (1-0) – 2 Points
4.) Hirooki Goto (1-0) – 2 Points
5.) Tetsuya Naito (0-1) – 0 Points
6.) Hiroshi Tanahashi (0-1) – 0 Points
7.) Aaron Henare (0-1) – 0 Points
8.) Toru Yano (0-1) – 0 Points
POST MATCH COMMENTS
David Finlay: And just like that, I’m leading the block. I am 2-0 this year alone against the man whose name used to be synonymous with this title. I’m undefeated against every single person in my block. I’m gonna call it right now. The G1 Climax will be a breakout G1 for me and my war dogs. Alex Coughlin and Gabe Kidd told you who they truly were at the press conference. Gabe damn near lost his mind for this company. Alex Coughlin was lied to for five years straight. An imaginary carrot was dangled in front of him. Now, people like Eddie Kingston will tell you that, in order to have progress you have to struggle. But here’s the truth of who I really am. I have not struggled a day in my life. When I grew up, my parents were filthy rich. The place I called home was an 11,000 square foot Lakefront mansion in Atlanta, Georgia.
I do not know struggle, yet here I am leading the G1 Climax. The favorite to win it. NEVER Openweight Champion. Undefeated against everyone in my block and I am the greatest leader in Bullet Club history. Now, throughout the years I have made nepotism work very well for me. I’ve had a lot of things handed to me in my career. But that’s not how things work in the G1, is it? No, you gotta fight every night for what you want. See, what makes me different than everyone else in C-Block is they all fight because they have bills to pay. I don’t, I fight because I enjoy the feeling of degrading people. I enjoy the feeling of crushing people’s dreams and I will continue to do so every time I step in that ring. So, who do I have next, Mikey Nicholls? I’m at an advantage here, I get to go watch his match and he was probably prepping for his. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go get a beer, I’m gonna go get some ice and I’ll see you in the next town, Mikey.
Toru Yano: Were you frightened? You’re afraid of the dark, aren’t you? I’m sorry for putting you through that. Tomukun, accept my apology for all of this. Noboribestu City, I offer my most sincere apologies. Tomukun, I’m sorry, but thanks for coming. This way. It’ll be okay.
Hirooki Goto: This is how my 20th summer in pro-wrestling kicks off. Yano. I was looking to finish it off in 18 seconds. Dang. Couldn’t get it done. I couldn’t win how I wanted to, but there’s no way I’ll ever forget this match.
Aaron Henare: Fuck! God, can I have some ice, please? Fuck! As if I wasn’t fucking furious enough, I almost got paralyzed on the first match. First time showing these markings of my ancestors and that bullshit happened. Okay, see, take a look at his face and take a look at mine. You tell me who really won that match, who really won it. All you New Japan fans, go watch it, you tell me who won that match when his face is bleeding blood like gold. And I’m here, no damage, you tell me who won. I feel sorry for the next person.
Mikey Nicholls: I heard him say that the relic was green. G1 2023, Mikey Nicholls, red equals gold and I’m going straight to the top.
Alex Coughlin: I should have went to college.
Shane Haste: I won the G1. Me, oh my lonesome, I did it. I won the G1. It’s one and done, right, that’s what the one in G1 stands for? No? I still gotta wrestle everyone. Whatever, man. I got rid of the hardest competitor first. Alex Coughlin is the hardest one in the bracket, I know it because I was out there with him and he tried it. He’s young and strong. He’s got strength and youth over us. But you know what? Damn it, Alex, you got a chip on your shoulder. I see it with you in The Bullet Club Warthogs. You guys got chips on your shoulder, but the problem is I bloody love me some chips.
Give me some guac, give me some salsa, I will eat them chips. I eat the crumbs. I opened the bag like that, so I ate you up and I ate you up out there. And it’s your anger, it’s your hostility that led you to this dark path. And there is no winning when you choose the dark side. The dark side will only bring you misery. Come to the light side, I’m a bloody Jedi Knight, mate. And that’s why I was smart, my mind was clear, I saw the future and the future was me getting that one, two, three.
Shingo Takagi: And there you have it. A bit of unwritten rule breaking, huh? Kinda like when Tenryu took one from Sasaki. I was looking to use that Northern Lights Bomb if the chance presented itself, but you saw how it went. Damn it. Once again, I’ve failed to start with a win, same as last year. And I lost the one I really didn’t want to. At the press conference, I said Made In Japan would restore order. Now look. This is a pathetic display. But the G1 is just getting started.
I’m upset, but I have to move forward. And Eddie Kingston. You said in the ring you’d like to go again. I’m up for it. It can be in Japan, AEW or ROH. You’re more than welcome. But I can’t talk big after losing. Next up is Henare. That’s a sore spot for me this year. I lost to him twice within 5 days. Humiliating. Takagi at his worst. His lowest. But when my back is to the wall, I’m at my best. We’re just getting started.
Eddie Kingston: I can’t believe it, man. The dream lives on. The dream lives on, folks. I’m not gonna lie, when I saw I was paired up against Shingo, former IWGP Champion, I was so nervous I tried to play it off like I was cool, I was so nervous. He’s so good. I’m not gonna lie and sit here and say that I beat his ass because I didn’t. I’m a little disappointed in my performance. The hernia surgery that I had eight weeks before the tour of Japan started acting up after he gave me the knee into the gut.
Holy shit, wow, man, it’s a lot of pain. No excuse though. I won. I got lucky. I’m gonna have to do better against EVIL. That’s all I can say. Shingo, I’m not gonna talk a lot of trash or try to sell tickets, this is a sport so I’m gonna treat it like a sport. Thank you for the fight. And I hope we do it again. I’m praying, Tony Khan, I put you on the spot. Me and Shingo, All In or All Out or whatever the two PPV’s. Give us time. Shingo and I will show the world, strong style and the king’s road combined. Thank you, Shingo. EVIL, I gotta do better.
Hiroshi Tanahashi: Ouch. Zack in the first match? Someone here have it out for me? Damn. Of course, he went right for the knees. But it’s all good. Since birth, I’ve never known good knees. I flubbed my line. Since birth, I never known how to give up. That was just one. It’s a bigger field this year, but that just means fewer block matches. I’ve got it all figured out. I won’t drop another.
Zack Sabre Jr: TMDK night. TMDK, clean sweep. I’m happy to say that, clean sweep. My english is a little bit out of practice, I’ve been in America and they do not speak English I assure you that much. TMDK day one. Those doubting Mikey Nicholls and Shane Haste. These boys have been all around the world, won championships all around the world, they’re the real bloody deal. Mad Mikey, we tried to tell you, we tried to tell you about Mad Mikey. That’s an understatement. Mental Mikey, The Mentalist, he’s absolutely bloody mental, that’s why we love him. What about that Tank Buster right on the noggin? Hysterical Shane Haste, no one’s laughing now, are they? Bomb Valley Death. It’s a very witty reverse play on The Death Valley Driver, there’s something about a bomb in there.
And then the front man, Zack Sabre Jr, the tournament wrestler in New Japan Pro Wrestling. The best tournament wrestler. I thrive in it. Give me a singles match every bloody day of the week, I can’t get enough of it. Everyone else gets tired, don’t they, the G1’s so tough. No, no, not if you’re made out of the right tekkers. 100% pure vegan, TMDK, George Michael approved, soy powered tekkers. Tanahashi, everyone’s writing off Tanahashi as well, aren’t they? Well, I used to do that. Six years ago, I beat Tanahashi right here in this building in my debut G1. So I was led to believe he was going to be popping his clogs anytime now. He might be winding down a little bit, but he’s still The Ace. And I always say, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Well, Tanahashi, he learned some of my tricks, didn’t he? Is that what it feels like when I’m going after someone’s arm? That’s horrible. If I gave a shit, it’d almost make me want to be a nice guy, but I don’t. Tanahashi, he’s very majestic, isn’t he? Like a Siberian Husky. That’s Tanahashi. What dog am I? When it comes to animals, I’m like a gazelle, aren’t I, long limbed. Obviously I’m the windy man, but the animal closest to the windy man is probably a worm or something and I don’t like any of those. I want to be a dog.
I know what I am. I am Japan’s number one dog. The most beautiful dog, Shiba Inu. Very intelligent, doesn’t like humans, it’s happy in its own company. Yeah, I’m Shiba Inu, that’s good, isn’t it? Anyway, stop talking about dogs, all right. You always make me change topics every time. Let’s get back to the G1. Listen, I’ve been in New Japan for seven years, my seventh G1. I’m the first New Japan World Champion, which I’m very proud about, but I came to New Japan to be an IWGP World Heavyweight Champion. I came to be the top wrestler in Japan and therefore the best wrestler in the world. 7 G1’s, I’ve never left the block stage. I’ve made some very arrogant claims in my six years that I’m gonna breeze to the finals. I’m not gonna make any such bold claims. The only thing I’m focusing on is getting out of the bloody block stage until the quarterfinals and then we’ll get on with it, all right. What’s the G1, it doesn’t stand for Goto, I assure you that. The G1 stands for great bloody tekkers.
Tama Tonga: Just when I thought I had all of EVIL’s bag of tricks, he pulls out some new ones. This is not how I wanted to start this G1. Alright, now it’s time to move this to the side and move forward. That’s the only thing I can do. The past is the past. There’s no need to hang on to that. Who do I got next, Ishii? Ishii, we’ve done this before. Last year at Korakuen Hall. I know you’re gonna bring everything you got, like you always do. I would expect no less. But know this, Ishii, I’ve been a student of yours for a very long time. You probably didn’t know that, but know this, I’m not the Tama Tonga you knew, I’m not. I’m not Ishii. That man is dead and gone. And you’re gonna see me in the next match.
EVIL: This was just a warmup. You get that? Basically a preliminary match up for me. This is how you handle your business. Remember that.
Tetsuya Naito: Every year, every competitor comes in talking about going undefeated in their block. After today, that’s no longer a possibility for me. But this year, you can still move on even if you’re the runner up in your block, right? Well, regardless of that stipulation, I’m still feeling pretty good about my chances. I did lose, but that loss to Cobb was a good one. I don’t know about you, but I think I found something in that match that I can be hopeful about. Next up is Goto in Sendai. Time to avenge last year’s G1 loss. I’ll have my revenge, along with my first win of this G1.
Jeff Cobb: There we go, baby. That’s how we do it. You see, from the get-go, LIJ, you have been a thorn in my side, The United Empire’s side for a very long time. And I told you at the press conference that my story is about redemption, redemption, redemption. You see, 2021, WrestleKingdom, I should’ve been the new NEVER Openweight Champion, but Shingo Takagi, okay, bump in the road. Flash forward, WrestleKingdom 2022, Tetsuya Naito, okay, all right, I’ll give you credit, you won. You see, last WrestleKingdom 2023, I wasn’t even on the damn card. I was on the pre-show rumble. I don’t even get dressed for anything more than that. So, the redemption angle I told you started tonight, here in Sapporo. Tetsuya Naito, what’s it like in the islands? I hope you pack some sunscreen. Can’t use your hat anymore, I stomped that shit, I stomped it, baby. So, Tetsuya Naito, gone, one win now, six more to go. Who’s next? New Bullet Club War Puppies, come on. Come on, Alex. I know where you came from.
See, I’m not looking past you, I’m not looking past all these people, but the one that I am looking forward to is what just happened in May at Dontaku and in June at Dominion and that’s you, Zack Sabre Jr. Alex Coughlin, you’re dreading the company, I don’t care. Son, you had a 17 minute speech and everybody fell asleep. Now, Alex, you’re a machine, aren’t you? Well, what happens when the machine gets thrown into the ocean and lands aboard the shores of the island? Wrestling Machine, Alex Coughlin, I’ll see you in Sendai, son and everybody rejoice. The United Empire comes up with two more points or however many points i get, it doesn’t matter, because that’s one down six to go for a United Empire WrestleKingdom Redemption.
Checkout Episode 369 of The Hoots Podcast
